look the other way

ya, i had a good time today... got up and went to see charlie and the chocolate factory with sarah brian and michaela... it was sooo good, i think i want to go see it again... then sarah went home, brian went to work, and i took the bunny to my house so that michaela's dad would stop sneezing... (he is so cool, im on my laptop sitting on the floor so that he can run around, but he is in his cage sitting down with a carrot) michaela came in my room and my dad 'yelled' about it... haha, he is soo funny... then we picked up alex and went to the comic book store and to seekonk to play ddr. that was ok i guess, i wish their was more to do close to home though... then we went to alcheldos and then to town farm where we met up with brian (not to mention the cops...) after that, michaela and brian went their seperate ways and me and alex went to friendlys for ice cream... we talked alot about everything, and it made me appretiate him more... ( i dont even know how that word is spelled, that was my best attempt) we actually had a lot to talk about... why we were both in bad moods.. but one thing that got me a bit pissy was that he talked about kelsey alot... ALOT... i pretended to care... well, thats a lie, i did care, but i think the reason i got so mad was because i was jelous... i wish i had someone to feel that way about, and i dont, and i never have... i dont no... anyway, after that we went to k-mart for 5 minutes untill they closed and then back to town farm.... thats where i had an explosion of emotions... he asked me to drive my car untill i finally said yes... he offered to stop talking about kelsey so much because he 'knew' that it made me mad. what the hell does that mean? i just dont understand how he works... i really dont... but it wasnt just that that made me mad... i was thinking about lots of things.... sometimes when i talk with alex, i feel like he is holding back soo much crap.... i dont no why he wont talk about it with me... and then he makes me let him drive and says that he is soo depressed and that will make him feel better... i just dont no... i wish he would open up a bit more...

on the other hand... ive been wishing that i had someone to open up to alot lately... amy had sean... michaela has brian, alex has kelsey... but i dont have anyone...




i dont no what to say... so i leave you with a poem...

i hate.
i hate that i cant say no.
i hate that i tell everyone im fine when im not.
i hate that i let people walk all over me.
i hate that im alone.
i hate that im scared of relationships.
i hate that i keep soo much inside.
i hate that i try to keep everyone happy even when i feel shitty.
i hate.

~mike

ps- im sleeping in my parents closet tonight because its air conditioned... isnt that creepy?